Baby, it's cold outside... but I got my electric blanket. So... GO HOME..

Although the snow has melted away, it is still way too cold for this Texas girl. I'm spending the rest of this evening nestled nicely in my bed with my electric blanket I purchased from Don Quijote in Tokyo last winter. And perhaps... the warmth will make the icy cold blues go away. What is it with winters? And yet, it's still my favorite season. I'm seriously a masochist.

Today has got me thinking about life.

It's election day in South Korea, and I didn't have work. I didn't know what to do with myself. I had things planned, but what does a girl do when plans don't follow through? Especially plans that I have been anxiously anticipating. What did I learn from this? Don't depend on anyone but myself. It's not the first time. It's not the first person. It's the worst when it's not the first time with the same person. And that's when you wonder, is it not meant to be? I know. A bit dramatic.

But it's ok. Time is precious, and I always have something planned that I can be in complete control of. Well, as much as possible of course. Control freak? Perhaps. But what I've learned in the past is that you can't always depend on others. The only person you can always count on is yourself. So, you do you, and Imma do me.

So, what is it that I did today? If you didn't already see my FB pictures I posted, I went back to my old hagwon that I worked at. I knew it was going to happen. I had to fight back tears when I saw my little ones. I walked upstairs to the classrooms, and the first stop was D class. And I got the exact reaction I wanted... and needed. Hugs and kisses and "I love you"s. But, C class didn't react how I wanted. I felt a little betrayed. And a few minutes later, I was ambushed. It's a such a comforting feeling, and I really needed it. As a teacher, you know you're doing something right when four months of not seeing each other doesn't change anything. You can feel the love and appreciation from your students.

My favorite was the little girls coming to me as if they had a big secret to whisper to me. And what is their secret? "I love you, Mimi Teacher." My heart melted. The way the girls linked arms with me and rested their heads on my arm to tell me "I miss you, Mimi Teacher" just broke my heart. Mister boogies clung onto me with his surprising death grip. Every picture I took had him photo bombing, and he was the one who never smiled and hated taking pictures before! And my future little Kpop star, troublemaker scurrying out of special class every five minutes to sit with me... I told him it is okay, but only for one minute. He tells me, "No, 100 minutes. I want to be with Mimi Teacher." My little spazz who I didn't get a chance to say good-bye to came back with his parents in the afternoon for a parent-teacher conference. While his parents were in a conference, we played Angry Birds Space. He got comfortable in my arms, and rested his foot on my leg that's crossed over my other leg. Lots of emotions today.

I didn't just get love from my students, but I got love from all the other students who I taught activities class and students I've never even taught. I also got love from the group of helper teachers. Asking if I lost weight of course... Telling me I am "예뻐요" and in return, I tell them they are pretty, too. There's the one helper teacher fighting off the other teachers who try to hug me... And she tells them "내꺼야." They are like my mothers away from home. 

Do I regret leaving the hagwon I worked at my first year here in South Korea? Sometimes. 
Would I change my decision? NO. 
Would I go back to work there again? Maybe, if the director wasn't such a swindler. 

What is the point of this blog entry? I just want to express my appreciation for the love and care from the students and teachers at the previous school I worked at. I've always felt like I kind of abandoned them since I left them in the middle of the school year, but I refuse to work for someone who I cannot trust. I kept doubting myself this morning when I woke up. Do I have work? Election day? I felt like the current public school I am working at was tricking me and could possibly stab me in the back and dock my pay. Scarred? Yeap. By the director of the hagwon. 

Do I not love the students and coworkers I work with now? Of course I love them, but it's different. The hugs and kisses I get from the babies are wonderful and give me warm and fuzzy feelings. Third, fourth, fifth and definitely sixth graders don't give me hugs and kisses. They're the tough love crowd. But I absolutely love it when they burst into song and serenade me with 2NE1's "I Love You" song. However, it does get lonely in the coworker department. I don't have the group of native English teachers and Korean teachers who speak English. And that's what brings me back to me expressing my appreciation for the hagwon I worked for. 

To get flaked on repeatedly by someone who I thought was a friend is not a good feeling. And what's worse? Having something that took a lot of preparation and not being able to do what was planned. And being the control freak that I am... I freaked out. And this is where I draw the line. I do not feel appreciated for the effort, the thought, the sincerity, the feelings... I have put into this one person. And there it goes. The realization that I am putting my eggs into a basket that has a hole in it. I've been skeptical for the past 16 months here and thought this time it was going to be different. I need to not be such a hopeless romantic. Someone recently told me something that I have been thinking about a lot. "Learning to love someone good for you is better than loving someone who is bad for you." 나쁜 놈.