Unknown Boy

I'd like to share the dreams, borderline nightmares, I had last night. There are two in particular that cannot seem to leave my head. You know how there are dreams where you remember so vividly as if it was reality, and once you wake up, it takes you a few minutes to gather yourself together and realize that it's not real. Well, that happened to me.

These two dreams actually made me wake up feeling very uneasy. The first one made me feel really uncomfortable, and it was hard for me to fall back asleep. It was 5:40 am, and I forced myself back to sleep. The second dream had me waking up in a sweat. This one was worse than the first one that woke me up. I was so afraid to go back to sleep and have another not so happy dream. I've never had such disturbing dreams in my life. Well, from the dreams that I can remember when I wake up.

Before I tell you what my dreams were, I'd like to add how satirical the weather is today in Seongnam, South Korea. There's a typhoon that is going through the east side of South Korea. The skies are gloomy, and the rain hasn't stopped since it started.

The first dream that I can recall from last night is very blurry at the beginning. All I remember was feeling the sense of panic, and I was rushing to go some place to make sure everything was okay. I'm not sure where I was or why I felt like something was wrong. I do remember that I came back to a place that felt like home and was searching for someone. I was making sure everything was okay and everyone was safe and sound.

There were a group of people who just returned from having a good time somewhere. I don't really know who these people were. They were faceless, and their voices weren't anything I recognized. All I do know is that I was very upset with these people. That because of these people, whatever it was I was worrying about was directly effected by them.

Finally, someone returned from some place. This person was the bearer of bad news. This person found out what happened to the one person I was still looking for. I remember thinking "please, let him be okay" over and over again. And this person tells me he is dead.

I wake up.

I lay there in panic. For some reason, during the dream no one ever said who this person who died was, but it felt like it was someone I know in real life. In the dream he was a kid who was a few years old maybe, but in real life, he's not even one. It was really strange, and I didn't like how I was feeling so I forced myself back to sleep after checking the time.

The second dream is what disturbs me the most. The first thing I remember from this dream was a town/neighborhood type of meeting. There was a man dressed in black searching for a boy. I don't know why he was looking for this boy, but this boy has been on the run for awhile. The boy's family was at the meeting. I remember his mom's expression on her face, and she was feeling very worried and was scared they would find him. She was trying so hard to protect and cover for her son. The setting of the dream changed a bit, and the boy appears. Everyone gets riled up! I forgot what it was, but something the boy took or something happened to the boy and he shrank!!! He was maybe 6 inches tall. Then, he started running. The people were shocked and looked around the room.

The setting of the dream changes a few times. I just remember the places looked very dim and brown. It kind of felt like the movie "The Indian in the Cupboard." (HAHAHA!) The boy was in a shelf or something. No one noticed him for awhile. It felt like he got pretty far from the place where the meeting was. There was blue paint that spilled, and the shrunken boy stepped in the paint. He made little foot prints that caught the eye of a person from the meeting. The shrunken boy kept running and running. He was almost to the door that was wide open. The sun was shining from the door so brightly. I remember the way the opened door looked so clearly with the light shining through feeling so comforting.

I'm not exactly sure what happened next, but someone who was in the room with the opened door was not an enemy to the shrunken boy. Or so it felt that way. Because of this person, I think that is how he was able to escape. No one chased after him once he left through the door.

Then the next part I remember was the shrunken boy climbing into a vent. I remember seeing very green grass, and the vent was connected to his house. This was how the boy got into his house.

Then the dream jumps to the inside of the house. The boy's mom was in the kitchen doing some cooking. The kitchen is opened to the living room type of area. I remember everything feeling very calm and serene. Then, I remember thinking in my dream that it was too calm. It was so calm that there was an eerie sort of feeling that crept and overtook the calm. The mom was faced towards the boy's sister who was in the living room. She was sitting down by a window having a conversation with her mom.

The boy hops his way into the living room to an area on the floor by his sister. The boy is still tiny. And he opens the boombox in front of him to put his CD in. He then begins to read his magazine. It was like he was in hiding for awhile and had all these materials ready in case as if he knew someone would be looking for him. The shrunken boy gets so excited about this article he was reading, and he shares with his sister and mom. The article was about a gun that you can control with your mind. I remember seeing a picture from the magazine. It was of a person's head with long cords connected and falling on the sides of the head. The boy thought it was so cool and exciting, and yelled how he would want to try it! While the boy was sharing this article, his sister's expression abruptly changed from warm to cold. I could tell that there was something up. A creepy something. She was feeling nervous and uneasy. Finally, she told her brother in a regretful type of tone that controlling a gun with your mind is not all that great. In fact, in order to control a gun with your brain, you end up getting all your blood drained from you body. The boy disregards what she says. She then says in a nervous tone how it has already been 30 minutes.

Sister then morphs into something. Her face wasn't her original face. It looked somewhat metallic and fake. The boy's sister was actually kidnapped by the man in black from the beginning of the dream. She had this mind-controlled gun programmed inside of her. No one in the dream noticed until finally the shrunken boy looks at her. She then shoots a bullet through her brother's head. Then she turns to her mother and shoots her mother. And because the gun drains all your blood in your body when you use it, his sister also dies.

I wake up.

Well, damn. WOOO. And after that dream. I did NOT want to go back to sleep again. What are the chances of having two dreams about people dying in the same night. Scary! Right?

So, I'm on my way to work, and I can't stop thinking about it. Dreams mean something. Something more metaphorical than literal. Like the time I had dreams over and over again while I was living in Japan about my teeth being really brittle and falling out. I looked up death and people dying in my dreams. And here is what I got...

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/d.htm

"To smell death in your dream refers to a situation that has long been dead. It is time to stop dwelling on the past and move on."

Of course the first thing that pops into mind is the events that happened in the worst year of my life. I remember and feel the year 2008 as if it just happened. I was deeply hurt by people who I thought cared about me as much as I cared about them. It's has long been dead. I've moved on physically, but emotionally, still a little scarred. And I'm sure none of those people realize it. That hurts.

Then, I thought of more recent events in my life: how my first year in South Korea was the worst experience living abroad. Living in Japan was magical. Japan is just a magical place. That is why I still wanted to teach abroad. South Korea seemed perfect. It's a kpop/kdrama fangirls dream AND it's so close to Japan and other Asian countries I want to visit. My first year was in Seoul teaching at an SLP. I'm not saying that it is the worst in the world, but the worst experience I personally have had living and teaching abroad. I am currently living in Seongnam and teaching at a public school instead, and I am enjoying my time a lot more. I have these deep negative feelings toward the private school, but I've moved on. There's many things I wanted to share about the private school during and right after I left, but I want to let it go and I have. There are quite a few blogs with me blowing up that have not been posted and will not be posted.

http://www.dream.net.au/library/death_dreams.cfm

"Death in dreams is symbolic of things that are coming to a close, or ending, in your life. These are usually necessary to clear the way for new things to come into your life. Death dreams are about change. For change to happen, we need to end old attitudes, old ways of being or old beliefs because otherwise these old ways are in the way of the new. How can you develop a new attitude if you are still clinging to the old?"

http://sueb.hubpages.com/hub/Dreaming-of-Death-and-Dying-The-Meaning-of-Death-Dreams

"Most dreams of death and dying symbolize the end of something old and the start of something new. This dream could be positive or negative depending upon the thoughts and feelings the dreamer has about the dream and the context of the dream. Dreaming of death is most common in people experiencing a major life change or a rite of passage- entering adulthood, graduating, marriage, changing a career, retiring, etc.

If the dream feels negative an the ending of something old is emphasized, this may indicate the dreamer is either too fixated on the past and needs to move forward, the dreamer is ending something premature that still needs his/her attention, or, in the case of dreaming of a death of someone still alive, may reflect I feelings of jealousy, hatred, and resentment towards that person."

So, I'm not exactly sure what this dream is trying to tell me. Whether it's about my love-life, relationships with friends, work, or something I may be in denial about and I don't even know!

I forgot the websites. I skimmed through so many before I decided to control c and control v onto this blog. I read that the people who are dead or dying in the dream symbolizes a characteristic of myself. They portray a personality of mine. 

So, in both dreams, there is a boy who seems to be the most important in each dream.

The boy in the first dream felt like he was my baby nephew. I have never met this nephew of mine. So, maybe it is a sense of guilt that I've been pushing away since I have been on my adventures abroad? I don't really know what personality he represents because I was looking for him and he was found dead. There was no prominent characteristic that comes to mind. Since I was looking for him, does he represent some sort of search for myself??? MY HEAD HURTS! And another factor is he was a few years old, but in reality he is about nine months old. I read in another article that dreaming of a child dying can mean something else. Depending on the age, it can represent something that happened that many years ago, which brings me back to the experiences four years ago in 2008. WHO KNOWS!?

The boy in the second dream was on the run. AND for some odd reason he was shrunken to a miniature size. WHY?! I don't really know. The attitude of this boy was very carefree, and he had no worries in life really because he had his mommy. And in an article read, it says maybe this characteristic is what is changing or needs to be changed in my life. Am I carefree and living with no worries? So, then I am thinking, well, I do feel like I am running away right now. Living and teaching abroad to travel and meet new people, and I don't have to really worry about real life things. I feel like living and teaching abroad is not real. I'm not sure if that makes sense to a lot of you reading this. It's like an alternate reality. Is this dream telling me it's time to stop running away and go back home?

Lots of deep thinking going on today. I always over analyze and stress and worry and get paranoid! I think after contemplating all day and blogging my thoughts today, I am going to continue living life. Day by day.


PLEASE, let me know your thoughts or interpretation on the dreams. If you have any. OH! And thank you if you actually read this far.^^