As a foreigner here in Japan, I can't imagine what goes on in a Japanese person's mind when dealing with stresses of life. What are they thinking? What goes on in their head? What is their thought process? How do they come to the conclusion of suicide?
It was the usual routine like any other day. I press the snooze button a million times and finally gather myself to wake up to get ready for the day. My Thursdays start pretty slow, but today was exceptionally slow. I heard the most shocking news that I still cannot fathom. It left me rattled and absent minded the rest of the day. This feeling inside me is similar to the aching pain of a broken heart after a horrible break up with a first love but worse. WAY WORSE. It is a deeper ache that I did not even know I could feel. The look of a broken mother who has just lost her child is imprinted in my head, and I cannot not think about it. The helplessness in her voice while explaining to me what happened just tore me apart. I wish I could have helped. I wish I could have been there to be a friend her child could open up to. That was what I was thinking the whole time. I’ll be a friend! I’ll listen! Talk to me! Fuck those haters.
So, this goes back to my questions. What went on in this person’s mind when they decided to end their life? The pressures of society can’t be THAT bad, right? Although, I did always believe that the trivial dilemmas in my past were such big issues at that moment. I was able to get through because I want to live my life to its fullest with no regrets. Thus, I am in Japan living it up, while others are committing suicide.
This brings up another question I have been thinking about. When did train suicides become conditioned in Japan? I remember hearing that it doesn’t even faze the people here anymore. If anything, they get upset because their train is delayed. Even though it happens frequently, it does not make it just like any other activity you do. This ain’t no daily bike ride around the park. A life ends. I think that with people’s “oh great not again” mentality, it just makes it okay for those people who are struggling in life to just end their life in that way. It’s not okay. It’s not okay!
People need to be nicer. People need to be more open-minded. People need to be welcoming. People need to be warm-hearted. Don’t be such a mean girl!
For those of you who are going through a difficult transition in your life, it will be a-ok. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Becoming an adult is still something I haven’t figured out. I went through a fat year after my first year of college trying to figure out my purpose in life. I kept stuffing my face with food while I freaked out about being a question mark. Then, I realized I was thinking too far in the future, and I thought about what I want to do. I want to travel, and from there I took baby steps to where I am today. Is this what I’m going to do for the rest of my life? I don’t know. Where am I going to be after Japan? I don’t know. All I know is that, I am enjoying my life and loving every bit of it. So, if you don’t know what to do with yourself whether you’re still in college, just graduated, or months or years after graduation, don’t be so hard on yourself. As long as you’re trying your hardest, it will come to you.
Remember you are never alone. If, you feel alone, please, just reach out and talk to SOMEONE. Anyone.
It just makes me angry thinking about the people who bicker and complain how horrible their life is when actuality there are people who go through far worse experiences in life. People just don’t appreciate the family and friends that surround them enough. Love yourself. Love your family. Love your friends. Love your life and live it.
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